Hi there, guys and dolls! You know the saying, “keeping up with the Joneses?” Well, the only Joneses I know personally (that would be Jay, Jill and their children Johnny and Janey yeah, that’s right…) quite frankly bore me to tears.

Don’t get me wrong, they are lovely people, really and truly they are. The backbone of society. People who are fine examples of who we should all be, in that nuclear family. Blah, Blah, Blah. At least they have each other and a hours of home movies of every little thing they have ever done and boy howdy, do they love to share them with you.

Which was exactly what happened to me last night. I got cornered at the market by Jill who really felt we should catch up. Little Janey grabbed onto my leg as if her life depended on it. I tried to gently shake her off, but no dice. Eventually after I said I would pinky swear to come over did she let go of her vise like grip to clamp her clammy hand (why, oh why was it so sticky, maybe I really don’t want to know…) around my finger, almost pulling it off. Charming child…

Anyhoo, the next thing I knew I had agreed to show up at their house and bring the popcorn. They had a bunch of new vacation films they were just dying to share with me. After they were out of sight, Sally May came up to me, handing me a condolence card she had just picked up. She had been roped in last week and felt that I needed more sympathy than her dyspeptic aunt. Great!

So there I went, a big bowl of hot buttered popcorn in my hands and a prayer on my lips for, “Please God, let the projector break down and let me go home.” Guess what? My prayers were half answered. Something broke down, but it wasn’t mechanical…

Turns out they recruited (coerced) half the neighborhood to attend. At least we could get it over all at once and so many of these home movie veterans had the wherewithal to bring their body weight in booze. And the screening begins Let’s see, there were movies about them going to the beach, getting on a plane, having a barbecue in the back yard (isn’t Johnny the clever little chef…), Janey on the potty (really, I didn’t need to see that…) Grampa taking his teeth out and pretending to gum everyone to death (please, no…), it goes on.

And that’s when I lost track. Somewhere between the gummy Grampa and the projector smoking and melting another reel, I fell into a deep, dreamy sleep full of the Jones family antics. In a blind panic, I woke up just as my dream Janey was biting dream Johnny’s head off with dream Grampa’s chompers. Next thing I knew, all eyes were down on me. They had turned off the projector and turned on the lights when they heard me slide off the couch and clunk onto the floor. Just had time to dust myself off, pick myself off, and start all over again. That is, out the door and straight for home. Another successful night at the Joneses…

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more posts. And don’t forget to give my Poppy Cove Mysteries a try if you haven’t already. 

Toodles, Barbara Jean