Girdle Overload!

Hi there, guys and dolls! I’m telling you, I’m as stuffed as last week’s turkey. Oh, the heartbreak!

I blame Annette for my dress not working….

There I was, trying to get into last week’s dress with this week’s figure. Lo and behold, the danged thing must have shrunk (fine, it’s not the dress, it was made with modern Sanforized cotton for goodness sake, guaranteed not to shrink). It was me. Or I swear, it’s Cousin Annette’s fault. She heaped my plate with so much food I could barely see over the top of it. And of course, I had to be polite and eat it all (remember I had to be the good example for my young diner companions). Quite frankly, I think she caught her husband (why can’t I remember his name…) giving me the flirty once over and decided to bulk me up so the next time he saw me I would be bloaty and blimpy. Just a hunch, mind you, but I know how that Annette works things out on the sly under her oh so perfect image.

I could look like this too, if I tried…

Anyhoo, diet and exercise time! Fine, new girdle time. Why, I’ll be lithe and graceful, full of feminine perfection in one smooth move. I’ll just get a new extra strength girdle to motivate me, suck it all in to give me the confidence booster head start. Then I’ll exercise. Heck, I’ll wear the girdle and exercise at the same time. The ad for the girdle shows them dancing and they look so fine! I can do the same, can’t I? Just think, I’ll be in this fantabulous shape and won’t that motivate me to diet? I’ll look lighter and therefore, want to be lighter. No more cake for me, I’ll have the lettuce leaf, thanks. Martini, no! Just a glass of water, thanks (okay, we know that’s not going to happen, I laughed at that one, too – I just won’t eat the olives, that’ll help).

I’ll be on my way to Paris with what’s-his-name in no time flat

Then during my lunch break which consisted of me eating ice cubes and downing four Sweet N Low packets, I came across the Libby’s Slenderella Sweepstakes! Lose weight and win a trip to Paris? My goodness, that’s the diet for me! Let’s see, drink a whole bunch of tomato juice (I see so many Bloody Marys in my future, don’t you?) and win a holiday. Consider it done. Then when I win, maybe I should take my cousin’s husband (again, no idea on the name) along for the ride. He can cart me around and carry my luggage. Wouldn’t that put a chink in Annette’s paint job….

How’s that for adding some baggage to the family…

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more posts. And don’t forget to give my Poppy Cove Mysteries a try if you haven’t already. 

Toodles, Barbara Jean

About Barbara Jean Coast

Barbara Jean Coast is the pen name of authors Andrea Taylor and Heather Shkuratoff. She is currently hard at work telling the cozy tales of the fictional town of Santa Lucia, loosely based on Santa Barbara in the late 50's, early 60's, known as The Poppy Cove Mysteries.
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